Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
