And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
