Are we in a gay sports bar?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
