I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
