Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
