I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
