when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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