On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
