The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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