honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize