I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
