we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
