Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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