'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
