On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
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When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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