I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
