I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
