And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Enjoy the penises
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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