There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
false alarm, still single
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
