I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
