i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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