Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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