Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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