So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
