Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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