I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm at about main and main street
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
