Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
