She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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