i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
