Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
