best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
