the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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