I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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