best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
