Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
