Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
