I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
