I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
