RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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