Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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