6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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