Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
