We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
