you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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