Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
