Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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