she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
