she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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