2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
