one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
