you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
