Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
