You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
