your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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