This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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