Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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