So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
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You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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