he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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