I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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