i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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