this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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