I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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