Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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