we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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