he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
