Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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