I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize