Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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