dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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