I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
