So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
