you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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